Of Idiots and First Dates
by andrhats
Summary: What trouble could two socially anxious and awkward young men possibly get into when deciding to have their first date at a mall? Only one way to find out!


**The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.**

**NOTE: This story takes place chronologically between "The Prince and the Daredevil" and "Friday Interrupted". I recommend you read at least "The Prince and the Daredevil", otherwise none of these characterisations will make sense.**

* * *

**Of Idiots and First Dates**

* * *

"Let's go to the mall!"

It had sounded like a good idea at the time, which was why he'd agreed to it. An innocent suggestion by text, while trying to decide where they wanted to go for their first date.

Sheik hadn't wanted anything too intimate or isolated—for obvious reasons relating to the fact that he'd just met this guy. Somewhere on neutral ground would be good—not that he expected to be abducted or anything like that, but his stupid brain kept insisting a first proper date should be on neutral damn ground.

And what could be more neutral than a mall?

Of course, five seconds after ending the text conversation, Sheik remembered who he was and why putting himself in a place filled to the brim with strangers and excessive noise was a bad idea.

His stomach plunged, and he was tempted to restart the conversation and ask if they could do something else...but then what would Link think if he did? Would he be annoyed since the conversation was finished and the date set? Would he find Sheik pathetic?

He probably would, wouldn't he?

He would, definitely.

By now the conversation had ended a minute ago, and it was definitely too late. Sheik had missed his window and was now committed to a mall date. Which would be full of people. And noise. And he couldn't wear his headphones and block it all out because dates were presumably supposed to involve some interaction with one's partner.

At least the successful ones.

And he wanted this to be successful. He wanted this to work.

Because he liked Link. A lot.

Probably a lot more than he should considering they'd only met once (but what a meeting it'd been). He found himself unable to sleep at night (worse than usual), thinking about the Hylian's face and flushed cheeks, still coming down from his victory at the race, their conversation, their k-kiss...

Groaning, he slammed his forehead into his desk (after carefully moving his keyboard aside because that thing was fucking expensive). Why couldn't things just be _easy_ for once? Why did every single thing have to seem like an insurmountable fucking mountain of an obstacle?

He ignored the multiple warning messages in his terminals, too bothered to go back to his server programming and unlocked his phone again, opening another text conversation.

**Me:  
Help!**

**Purple idiot:  
what's wrong?**

**Me:  
I've made a huge mistake!**

**Purple idiot:  
okay, take a deep breath and then tell me**

**Me:  
I'm going on a date with Link**

**Purple idiot:  
...i thought thats what you wanted?**

**Me:  
At a *MALL***

**Purple idiot:  
oh shit**

**Me:  
DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM?**

**Purple idiot:  
definitely  
okay, can you reschedule?**

**Me:  
That window has closed**

**Purple idiot:  
you sure? he might be open to it**

**Me:  
IT'S TOO LATE  
I CAN'T START ANOTHER CONVO SO SOON**

**Purple idiot:  
****okay okay, geez  
stop with the all caps  
its so hurtful when you yell :(  
look, biker boy knows about your thing, right?  
****you had that convo about it and everything  
****i'm sure he'll be all considerate n shit  
****if not i'll kick his ass  
****besides he'll be nervous too  
****you'll both be awkward messes**

**Me:  
Is this supposed to help?**

**Purple idiot:  
yes?  
****not like either of you are smooth casanovas  
****it's cute, really  
****but real talk  
****take your meds  
****make sure to tell him if you're not up for it  
****if it gets bad give me a call  
****i'll come pick you up  
and bring the squad  
****paya will turn him into a pretzel for you**

**Me:  
...thanks.**

**Purple idiot:  
no prob cuz  
just let me know the time and place beforehand  
so i'll know when to standby  
****oh and take your meds**

**Me:  
Sure. I've set alarms for them.**

**Purple idiot:  
atta boy  
now i gotta go  
****e's calling  
****and you know what means *wiggle-wiggle*  
****ttyl**

**Me:  
Gross.  
****Talk to you later.**

Sheik put his phone down, his worries a little mitigated by Kafei's assurances...and a little grossed out by the idea of Kafei corrupting poor Elenwe. How she managed to put up with him, Sheik would never know.

At least he could breathe a little easier now. He had an out, and an escape plan should things come to a head.

Not that they would, he tried telling himself. Link was, after all, much in the same boat with regards to mental quirks, and probably understood how Sheik would be feeling...but he was so much cooler and collected! How could Sheik possibly compare?!

He groaned again, throwing himself back into the servers, fully intent on drowning himself in programming before he could start worrying about the date itself.

What would they even _do_ at the mall?

"Argh!"

* * *

The fateful day eventually came, and Sheik felt like a man marching off to war instead of what was supposed to be a fun night with a boy he liked.

He'd spent a great deal of time wondering if he should be dressing up a little or if he should be casual and relaxed, and Kafei had been of no help whatsoever in that department.

Which made sense because that idiot only appeared to own three different outfits—all casual affairs—which he rotated between every now and then.

In the end he went with the closest thing he could to both: a soft black t-shirt under a dark red shirt that fit him comfortably, and a pair of his most comfortable dark jeans. He didn't own much in the way of shoes, so his usual sneakers encased his feet. He kept his hair back in a loose ponytail, his fingers shaking a little too much to do it up a proper braid.

He looked himself in the mirror for what felt like an eternity, quite sure he looked like a potato, but he supposed this was as good as it was going to get. He snapped a photo and sent it to Paya, who replied with a thumbs-up and clumsily worded message of encouragement.

He trusted Paya's opinion—she was dating Link's sister, after all, and...

Wait, had she shown his picture to Zelda? Was that _her_ or Paya's encouragement? Would Zelda tell Link? What if he was underdressed? Or overdressed? Oh fuck, what if he _did_ look like a stupid potato?!

His phone buzzed, disrupting his beginning thought spiral, and he opened it to find a text from Link.

**Link:  
Getting on the bus now  
See you there :D :D :D**

Link was a firm believer in emoticons. All his messages were full of them, and it was quite sweet...if a little much at times. It suited him, though—he seemed to be very expressive and...well, bad at hiding how he felt.

He was a little surprised at the bus remark, though. Sheik had thought for sure Link would be riding his bike to the mall, and...oh wait, he'd crashed, right. Epona was probably still in the shop. Link was still recovering from that nasty road rash, too. Riding a bike would probably be uncomfortable anyway.

Wait, bus? Shit, he was going to be late! He fired off a quick reply about doing the same and threw on his leather jacket, making sure his portable charger was in his pocket (one could never be too prepared). He left his student apartment in a hurry and nearly forgot to lock the door.

He had to come back to check.

Twice.

* * *

For once, taking the bus was actually a relatively smooth experience. There weren't too many people on it, and while the bus itself was old and clearly on its last legs, the ventilation actually worked and didn't leave him a sweltering, panting wreck. There weren't even any idiots listening to music on their phone without headphones!

He'd almost started thinking this wouldn't be so bad after all...and then he reached the mall.

Officially, the gigantic building was known as the Three Jewels Mall, named for a famous trio of musicians who'd started their careers in this city, but colloquially it was known as The Sacred Realm. Sheik had no idea why, and the research he'd done beforehand had not been helpful in uncovering the mystery.

"Because it's a shopping wonderland!" someone had said on one of those worthless promotional sites with the fake blurbs.

Well, _they_ might consider it a wonderland, but to Sheik it was one of the layers of hell specifically reserved just for him. A huge, sprawling three-story complex with hundreds upon hundreds of stores, and a recorded visitor number of several thousand every single day. A hotspot for tourism, and favourite place for the city's inhabitants to pass the time. The exact opposite of the places Sheik found comforting.

Besides, ninety-nine percent of the stores weren't even of interest to him—clothes were his least favourite thing to shop for, and he always ordered them online whenever he could.

He did most of his shopping online, in fact. The only thing he hadn't managed to outsource to the internet yet were his groceries. Everything else he managed to get shipped to his apartment.

But here he was, standing in the grand entrance of his own personal hell, about to head inside. The entrance itself was shaped like a giant, pearly gate with massive doors, with bright lights blinding any poor bastard who happened to look up as they went through.

Sheik was one of those poor bastards.

Rubbing his eyes and trying not to crash into anyone as he blinked to clear away the spots, his ears were already being assaulted by the sounds of thousands of people in one building with no noise insulation whatsoever. He was definitely going to have a headache by the time the night was over.

Hm, Link wanted to meet at the huge fountain in the entrance hall, which was straight ahead. A gaudy affair of marble and golden statues depicting the trio of musicians...dancing? Doing something complicated and contorting with their bodies, at least.

There was someone in the way. Someone wearing a ridiculously tight green spandex suit, which was several sizes too small for their rotund shape, accosting mall visitors and handing out fliers, trying to catch their attention. Sheik's stomach lurched, and he wondered if perhaps it was best to just skirt around to the edge and—

The man (if he could be called as such) turned around and his eyes met Sheik's, his face lighting up.

Oh no.

He only had a split second to consider every choice that had led him to this moment, and then the man was upon him, thrusting into his hands a flier for something that appeared to be a store that sold...stationary? The flier itself looked fairly professional and not nearly as...eccentric as the man handing them out.

"Kooloo-limpah!" the man screamed, his chubby cheeks jiggling as he spun around in a circle, his thrusting his arms out in what he must have thought was a magnificent pose. "A customer! A customer!"

Red flags were being raised everywhere in Sheik's mind, his every sense screamed at him to disengage and get the hell away from this weirdo, but it was too late. He had accepted the flier and been too slow to move on. He was trapped!

"I'm n-not a c—"he began, but the man cut him off, laughing.

"Of course you are!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. People around them watched curiously, but soon averted their eyes out of second-hand embarrassment for Sheik. None stepped in to help.

Cowards.

"I'm Tingle!" he announced, wiping his sweaty face with the back of his free hand (and then under his red nose, which was shaped like a potato). "And you'll be _de-light-ted _with the fantastic stationary we sell at WriteCo! That's guaranteed! Kooloo-limpah!"

What the fuck is a tingle and how do I make it go away?

Sheik's brain kept screaming at him to stop, but also stay because that's what's polite and he had accepted the flier after all which meant he had to hear the schpiel and then maybe he could get away oh god why couldn't someone else draw his attention?

"I m-might t-take a look," he said, making a show of folding the flier and putting it in his inner pocket, but Tingle (Din above, help him!) was only getting started.

"Stationary from around the world, in every colour imaginable!" Tingle screamed, spinning in place. "Custom logos and fonts at incredible prices! There is nothing we don't offer! Except for fairy dust, but I've got my own supply right here!"

He reached into the fanny pack that his girth was threatening to absorb and threw a handful of glitter into the air, letting it rain down around him.

That was it, right? Sheik could go now, right?

No. No he could not.

Because Tingle was suddenly standing uncomfortably close, his hand grasping Sheik's arm with a gentle and firm touch (which only served to gross him out further), his face leaning so close Sheik could almost feel the man's wispy goatee stroke his cheek.

"And for the discerning customer...we have special imports. Charms from around the world! You strike me as a young man with a love for cute shotas. What do you say?"

Words could not describe how not interested Sheik was in this, but societal rules had him in their death grip, and he feared what he might be persuaded to purchase if he didn't manage to get away soon.

Oh...Oh goddesses, Tingle didn't have any of these special charms in his fanny pack, did he? Sheik might just scream if he did—

"There you are," a sweet, angelic voice from the heavens said as a body firmly positioned itself between Sheik and Tingle. "I'm sorry, sir, but I got plans with my friend here. Have a good night!"

Sheik could only stare at Link's face in wonder as the Hylian gently but quickly led him away from the spandex-clad man and towards the huge fountain that had been their original meeting point.

"H-How did you do that?" Sheik asked, feeling light-headed.

"It's easier when you're not the one who's trapped," Link said, looking back to make sure Tingle wasn't following them. Sheik followed his gaze and saw that Tingle had already accosted someone else.

Link led Sheik to the fountain and had him sit down on the marble rim, looking worried.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I texted you—even tried to call you—but I didn't hear anything from you, and then I spotted you with that guy..."

"I'm okay," Sheik said, nodding. It was good to sit down for a bit, his head still feeling like it lacked oxygen. Link raised an eyebrow, and Sheik drooped a little in his seat. "But I was nearly not. Thank you for saving me. Really."

Link smiled, and suddenly Sheik felt like every trouble had been lifted from his shoulder. It was unfair, how gorgeous the older boy was. And that was without even looking at what he was wearing. In their first meeting Link had been wearing torn bike leathers and a t-shirt and had pulled it off gorgeously.

Now he was wearing (again) a t-shirt, but one that fit him much better under a zip-up jacket, acid-washed skinny jeans that might as well have been a second layer of skin, and a pair of very clean-looking, high-end sneakers in a shade of red that matched Sheik's shirt.

The jacket, though. It was a light bomber-style thing, made of shiny fabric. The sleeves were a dark grey, while the rest was dark sky blue. It looked handsome enough, but when Link had turned around earlier Sheik had spotted the back. A giant, mechanical dinosaur on a cherry-blossom background, shooting lasers out of its eyes.

It was the raddest thing Sheik had ever seen. And probably expensive as hell—the cherry blossoms looked embroidered.

It fit the handsome bastard perfectly, and left Sheik feeling very underdressed with his barely adequate shirt.

"Don't worry about it," Link said, sitting next to him on the fountain rim. "I know exactly what it's like, being trapped like that. I'm just glad I got to you in time. He looks like a creep!"

"He is," Sheik said with a nod, watching as a pair of security guards approached Tingle with severe looks on their faces. Tingle's back was turned and didn't see them coming. "Looks like he won't be a problem much longer, though."

Link chuckled, which turned into a full-on laugh as Tingle happened to spot the guards just in time and ran for it, leading them on a chase into one of the many corridors, disappearing from sight. Sheik was nearly mesmerised by the lovely sound of Link's laughter. So carefree...

"Well, that's one problem solved," Link said. "I thought I was going to have to report him to security myself. Wasn't looking forward to that."

Sheik nodded with a hum. He doubted he'd have the courage to even approach the uniformed men and women. They made him too nervous.

There was a lull in the conversation, and Sheik took the opportunity to check his phone. Several texts and a missed call from Link. Sheik hadn't even noticed the vibrations. Timestamps told him he'd been trapped by Tingle for at least ten minutes...though it had felt much, _much _longer.

"So," Link said, scratching his cheek. "You ready?"

Sheik nodded. "Yeah, you?"

"Yup," the Hylian said, standing up, smiling when Sheik did so as well. "Any particular stores you want to visit?"

"Uh..." Sheik hesitated. He'd taken a look at what sorts of stores the mall had to offer, and he'd noted there were several electronics places he wanted to look at, a couple of bookstores, and a store that specialised in fan merchandise for various pop culture franchises, especially animated ones.

He'd never admit to wanting to visit that last one, though. There was so much...weirdness that could pop up in those places and the last thing he wanted was for Link to think him even weirder than he already did.

"A few," he settled on. "They're a bit further in, though."

Or so he assumed. The map of the mall was a fucking nightmare to read, and he'd nearly gotten a stress headache from trying to figure it out. On the outside the building looked straightforward, but on the inside it was like a million-armed octopus, with corridors and hallways slithering off in every direction. He briefly wondered if he should have brought a ball of yarn to mark his path with.

"How about you, Link?" he asked.

Hell, even saying his _name_ was a pleasure. Sheik had it bad, didn't he?

"Ah, about the same," Link replied after a moment of thinking. "I mean, stores. Further in. Are." He paused. "Did I miss any words in there?"

"It was...semi-coherent," Sheik said, grinning a little.

"Oh good," Link said, breathing out theatrically. His cheeks had reddened considerably, and it was precious. "Sometimes I forget how to word. I mean talk. Usually when I'm nervous, heh."

"Are you nervous?" Sheik asked. He hoped so. Link seemed so calm and collected, even now, that it was hard to believe he had the same issues with anxiety as Sheik did. Then again, maybe he was just that good at hiding it.

Link's eyes widened a little, and then he nodded sheepishly. "Yeah," he admitted, scratching his neck. "I am. I don't...I haven't been on many dates, and I'm still finding my feet, I guess?"

"Oh..."

"Sorry, I—"

"No, I just...I meant to say...I mean...I'm nervous too," Sheik said, blushing just as hard as Link as his vocabulary failed him spectacularly. "This is...my first date, actually."

He wanted to slap himself. Link already knew that, damn it!

"I know," Link said, confirming Sheik's redundancy. "That's why I figured this would be a good place to start. I mean, not because of all the people—more despite them, really—but because there aren't a lot of...expectations? To a mall date, I mean. We can just...walk around and do whatever. Look at stuff. Just get to know each other a little better, you know?"

"Oh..."

That made more sense to Sheik than any of his own thoughts about the mall date had. Then again, he'd focused on all the negatives, rather than all positives and the lack of expectations, rules or etiquette.

"I guess it's not really exciting," Link said, still looking embarrassed. "Not like a race event."

"It's fine," Sheik said quickly, smiling. "More than fine, really. I'm glad you suggested it. I'm not sure my nerves could handle another event like that so soon."

"They're usually tamer than that," Link said. "The Usurpers tend to cause trouble more often than not. Surprised they were even invited."

Sheik could still see the other rider on Link's team—Falco, was it?—and they way he'd crashed after one of the Usurpers had kicked his bike during their race. Link's own encounter with the asphalt had been hard to watch as well, but Falco's crash...

"How is he?" he asked. "Falco, I mean."

Link smiled. "Oh, he's good. Just a little road rash and a bump on the head; not even a concussion. His head's too thick for that, see. All that was seriously wounded that night was his pride, I think."

"That's good," Sheik said, relieved he hadn't watched someone's permanent injury that night.

"Mhm," Link hummed, looking around them. "Well, we've got a lot of ground to cover, I think, so...wanna get going?"

Sheik smiled back at him. "Sure."

* * *

It wasn't...bad, Sheik had to admit.

Had he been on his own, he'd be an anxious mess, scuttling from store to store, trying to take up as little room as possible and generally shying away from every single person who came too close.

With Link, though, he found himself enjoying the mall quite a bit. They walked along the corridors at a leisurely pace, talking about this and that—mostly superficial topics—and looking at the store display windows, sometimes heading into one to take a closer look.

It was only when they reached the first bookstore Sheik wanted to look at that they hit a snag. Or rather, Sheik hit one and Link was dragged into it on account of his proximity.

It had been _ages_ since Sheik had been in a physical bookstore that wasn't the on-campus one, which only sold textbooks and other curriculum-related materials. He'd forgotten how much he loved being surrounded by books, and just how much time he could spend browsing the shelves, occasionally picking one out and reading the synopsis on the back or studying the cover artwork. The fantasy section was his favourite in particular. So many different and beautiful worlds to imagine...

Before he knew what he was doing, thirty minutes had passed, and all he could remember of it was being completely silent and...and _browsing_.

He'd nearly forgotten about Link altogether!

Turning around, however, he found the Hylian standing next to him with a happy smile on his face.

"You really like books, huh?" Link asked, to which Sheik blushed.

"I d-do," he said, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but at the Hylian. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...it's just...it's been a while and...I just get so caught up, and—"

"Hey, it's okay," Link said soothingly. "I didn't mind at all. I like books too, and...well, you're very handsome when you're focused." His cheeks coloured as well as he spoke. "I mean, you get this...determined look, and...uh..."

They lapsed into silence, both too embarrassed to continue.

It was up to Link to save them yet again.

"So, uh, find anything interesting?" the Hylian asked.

"Oh, uh...many interesting books, but I think I'll look them up later at home before I buy any, I think. Make sure I don't get any duds," Sheik said. His budget didn't allow for many big purchases tonight, and he'd rather save his money for the date itself. Food and the like.

That's what people did on dates, right? Got food? He'd purposefully only eaten a light lunch, just in case...which was coming back to bite him in the ass now, his light-headedness from before never really lifting.

"Oh, okay," Link said, nodding. "Let me know if you've got any recommendations, though? I need something to read that isn't psych textbooks or I'll go crazy."

"Absolutely," Sheik said nodding. "In fact, have you read the Calamity Chronicles? It's about this young hero who wakes up in a temple without any memories, and it turns out he's dead—no, wait, he died a hundred years before, but someone put him in a shrine that slowly resurrected him, and now he has to go on a quest to free his old allies and defeat the great evil—"

By the time he was finished, Sheik had probably just spoiled the entire fucking story, but Link didn't seem upset. That happy smile on his face was back, and Sheik wondered if it was because of _him_ or because Link was really interested in the books...

"Sounds good," Link said once Sheik finished word-vomiting about one of his favourite series. "I'll have to pick it up later. Thank you."

"You can borrow my copies, if you like," Sheik said, taking the opportunity to guide Link out of the bookstore. They might stay there the entire evening, otherwise. There were worse things to do, Sheik could imagine, but he didn't want to make this night all about him. He wanted Link to enjoy himself too!

"Really?" Link asked, face lighting up.

"Yeah, if you can handle some creased, dog-eared pages."

He didn't want to count how many times he'd read them. Too many, probably.

"That just shows they're well-loved," Link said, chuckling.

Why was this man so fucking great?

* * *

Neither of them was all that interested in clothes, it turned out. Which was surprising, on account of Link's jacket...and his overall fashion sense.

"Oh, this?" Link had asked. "It was a birthday gift from Zelda and her dad. I don't really know much about fashion at all—she had to help me dress for tonight, actually."

She did an A-plus job, in that case, Sheik thought, and made a note to thank Zelda for her discerning taste. Or ask Paya to thank her for him. He wasn't sure if he could truly face her on his own just yet. She was just so...cool, he supposed the word was.

The fact that a group of teenagers wearing the most bizarre clothes gave Link approving hollers as they passed by only further cemented the fact that Zelda apparently knew her stuff. After all, someone wearing camo hoodies and harem pants in public must clearly be on the forefront of fashion trends. They barely paid Sheik any mind at all, which was how he liked it.

He'd probably be on the lowest rung in a society run by fashionistas, prey for the roaming wolf packs that were modern teenagers.

"I like your shirt."

Whuh?

He looked at Link, found him staring back. That couldn't be right. Sure, Sheik found the dark red shirt to be very visually pleasing, but he had no sense of what looked good or not to normal people at all! Link was just being polite, surely—

"It matches your eyes perfectly, and the fit is...well, it suits you. A lot." Link looked away, smiling crookedly. "Sorry, that was supposed to be a flirty compliment, but I chickened out."

"O-Oh..."

"In case you haven't noticed," Link said, groaning a little, "my mouth tends to start moving before my brain's caught up with it, and then I bail out halfway through. I'm not even sure why I'm allowed to talk at all, sometimes."

"I liked it, though!" Sheik said, a little too loud. It drew the attention of the people around them. He ducked his head, stepping a little closer to Link, lowering his voice. "I mean...the compliment. I liked it. I'm glad you like my shirt. I like it too. Er. And your jacket. I like it, a lot. It's cool. I love dinosaurs."

What the fuck was he _saying_?! If anyone needed to have his speech license revoked, it was fucking Sheik!

Link stared at him. "I love dinosaurs too," he eventually said, to Sheik's immense relief. "And robots. What could be better than robot dinosaurs?"

"Right?!" Sheik exclaimed, too happy about Link not finding his random comment too weird to care about his volume.

"Yeah!" Link exclaimed just as loud, even pumping his fist a little.

Someone giggled at the display, and they both promptly blushed and looked at their feet.

"Philistines," Sheik muttered.

"They are," Link agreed.

* * *

"Hey, can we stop by here? Zelda asked me to pick up something for her," Link said, pointing to a record store.

Sheik was surprised such a place even existed these days, in the age of streaming. He nodded, following Link inside.

It was a very bare affair, as store decoration went. Bare concrete walls and pillars covered in posters of various bands both old and new, shelves that looked like they belonged in a hardware store, and the clientele...well, it was the sort that enjoyed the more extreme type of music.

Some sort of hard rock with very complicated time signatures was being blasted on the ceiling-mounted speakers, the sort of music the fans always start off describing with the word _polyrhythms _and how innovative they were.

To Sheik it was just noise. What good was being innovative if the music just wasn't enjoyable to listen to?

Based on Link's grimace as they passed by one of the speakers, he was of the same mind.

"Your sister's into this sort of music?" Sheik asked as he followed Link among the shelves, tracking down the artist alphabetically.

"Big time," Link replied. "She keeps trying to convince me to listen to it too, since we're siblings and supposed to like the same stuff, but...no, I just don't like it. I mean, _some_ tracks are okay and catchy, but they're so few and far between. I'm starting to think Zelda's hearing is actually attuned to a different dimension or something, where this sort of music is beautiful or whatever."

He paused, his fingers beginning to flip through the CD cases until he found the he was looking for.

The packaging was quite nice, if nothing else. Some sort of skeletal bird wrapped in a cloak, sitting on top of a broken clock. A grey aesthetic, presumably meant to symbolise the fleeting nature of time and life, or something like that.

Link then led them to the record bins and found the same album there. The artwork looked even better in the big, high-resolution format of the record cover.

"Record too?" Sheik asked.

"She's a bit of an audio nut," Link explained. "Her dad got her a pretty high-end record player for Christmas last year, and she's started to redo her collection in records now."

Hm, expensive-looking jacket, high-end stereo equipment...was Link's family rich or something?

"How big is her collection?" Sheik asked. CDs were cheap enough, but records could run up quite a sum...

"Oh, thousands of CDs by now, I think. Her room back at the house is like a warehouse, at this point. Her dad had to reinforce the walls because they couldn't handle the weight of the shelves," Link said, leading them to the register, where a tattooed man gave Link a greeting nod.

"No sis today?" he asked, scanning the records and putting them in a bag.

"A-Ah, no, she's busy studying," Link said, surprised by the question.

"No rest for the wicked, I guess," the man said, grinning and taking Link's payment, handing back the change. "I've emailed her already, but could you tell her the special order is going to take a little longer to come in? Some fuck-up with the shipping, we're still trying to figure out what the hell happened."

"S-Sure," Link replied, taking the bag. "Thank you."

"Have a good one," the man said, waving.

"Special order?" Sheik asked as they left the store, relieved to be away from the loud music.

"Limited edition something or other," Link said, groaning. "She really likes collecting those."

"Clerk seemed to know you," Sheik noted, not sure how he'd feel about visiting a store often enough to be recognised (or talked to) by those who worked there.

"Zelda makes it a point to drag me in there every time we're here," Link said, gesturing to the store. "Guess he recognised me."

They began walking again, and Sheik asked a question he'd been wondering about for a while. "What kind of music do you like?"

For a moment, Link looked like he'd just been asked what his favourite condom flavour was. His eyes widened and he kept clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Oh...you know...all kinds of stuff, really. Don't really have any favourite genres or anything like that."

As it turned out, Sheik wasn't the only unfortunate sucker the fates conspired against that night. Just as Link said this, his phone began to ring. Loudly. And given what the Hylian did as a hobby, the ringtone was _not_ what Sheik expected.

_"Kiss kiss fall in love~  
Hey, hey, he—"_

Sheik had never seen anyone rip their phone out of their pocket so quickly before—he was afraid Link would send it hurling down the hall by accident. The Hylian's face was completely red, and he gave Sheik an apologetic look as he answered the phone.

Why was he so embarrassed? It was just a meme. It was actually kind of funny. It meant they had something else in common, a love of shitposting and stupid memes. There was plenty to discuss there!

"Hey, I'm kinda busy right now," Link spoke into his phone, slightly turned away. "What? No, I don't, they're at my place. No, I can't, I'm busy, okay? You'll get the notes tomorrow. Yeah, see you." He hung up and turned back to Sheik, still blushing intensely. "Sorry about that—study partner who didn't bother taking notes is panicking."

"Ah," Sheik said, nodding. "Sucks for them."

"Yeah, I'm not interrupting the date to bail 'em out," the Hylian said, shaking his head.

Sheik smiled. "So, that song..."

"Y-Yeah?" Link said hesitantly, grimacing a little.

"I know it," Sheik continued, still smiling. "You've seen that meme too?"

Link's face collapsed into confusion. "What's a meme?" he asked.

Sheik blinked, just as confused. "You...you don't know what a meme is? Where did you hear the song, then?"

Something very complicated seemed to be happening inside Link's head, his face screwing itself into every possible configuration as he apparently considered the question from every angle he could imagine. Almost like he struggled to find an acceptable answer no matter how hard he tried. Then Sheik realised what he'd just stumbled into.

And he had no idea how to react.

"You...that is...you actually watch...the show?" he asked carefully, as if Link was a skittish deer about to run away any second. Based on how the Hylian's face kept twitching, it seemed a very real risk.

"Ngh," Link moaned before all but shouting: "Yes, I do, okay?! I love it! I love all those shows! The cuter the better! I can't help it, there's just something about the romance and fluff! It draws me in!"

He was panting now, eyes wide and his face having commandeered every drop of blood in his body. It was a little cute, how embarrassed he was to admit he was into shoujo anime, but Sheik hadn't meant to provoke this sort of reaction.

"I didn't mean anything by it," he said hurriedly, gently taking Link's bag out of his hands so he didn't drop it or smack someone with in the face by accident. The Hylian groaned, hiding his face behind his hands. "Link, it's okay, I was just surprised! You didn't strike me as the type to watch them, that's all, there's nothing wrong with it!"

"I know there isn't," Link said, leaning against the wall, still hiding his face. "But it's still embarrassing. People in high school found out about it and made fun of me. I wasn't exactly popular in the first place and that didn't help."

"Oh..."

Well done, idiot, Sheik thought. Not only did you humiliate your date in public, you also brought back painful high school memories. Why do you even bother going out?

"It's fine, it's fine," Link said, clearing his throat and rubbing his face. "It's my own fault—should've changed the ringtone or put it on silent or something. I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I...I'm an idiot, okay? I don't know how to socialise properly, and it results in me saying stuff like that. I like that you like those shows—I really do!"

"...you sure?" Link asked hesitantly. "You're not just saying that?"

"I'm sure," Sheik said firmly...or as firmly as he could, given how his voice was shaking, terrified that he'd screwed everything up so soon. "You're hard to pin down, Link, and you keep surprising me. I like that."

"...okay," Link said, nodding. "Can I have my bag?"

Sheik wordlessly handed over the paper bag with Zelda's music. For a moment, he was sure the date was over. Link looked a little sullen, but then he breathed in deeply and gave Sheik a tiny smile.

"Shall we?" he asked, gesturing to the mall.

"Let's," he replied.

* * *

Honestly, Sheik should have known better than to assume that he would be able to keep up even a veneer of being cool. They'd gone to one of the electronics shops because there was a sale, and Sheik wanted to see if he could find a bargain. He'd found several but noted that there were places online that sold the same items for even less, so he simply noted down the things he wanted.

A new case for his desktop computer, for one. It had see-through sides, and configurable LED lights that could be set to shine with millions of colours. Absolutely useless in terms of computing, but so. Fucking. Cool!

Link followed him through the aisles, nodding as Sheik kept talking about the various parts he intended to purchase, about clock speeds and memory limits, about processor kernels and which operating system was the best. He'd lost the thread of conversation soon enough and was just rambling about computers by the time they left the store.

"...and that doesn't _begin_ to describe the possibilities we have with the new architecture! Within the next couple of generations, we might have fully functional AI, even!" He trailed off, realising Link was looking at him with that same happy smile he had in the bookstore. "I went off on a tangent again, didn't I?" he asked.

"Several," Link said, nodding.

Sheik deflated. "Sorry, I didn't mean to. I get so carried away—"

"No, no, no, don't apologise," Link said, shaking his head fiercely. "Please, don't ever apologise for being enthusiastic about the things you love, okay? I may not understand a single thing you're saying, but that doesn't mean I don't like hearing about it!" He had the fiercest look on his face as he said this, reminding Sheik of the night they'd met, when they'd been ambushed by Ghira, who'd wanted a fight. "Trust me on this, Sheik," he said. "You can spend the rest of the date talking about computer stuff and I'll be happy to listen!"

Well, that wasn't something Sheik's heart could ignore, and it went _gloop_. What a sweet, anime-loving, daredevil psychologist. What could Sheik possibly hope to offer such an angel?

"Hm, well," he said, hiding his face in the collar of his shirt. "Thank you."

"I drive Zelda mad with my engine talk all the time," Link said, grinning adorably. "I can only hope you'll tolerate it when _I_ get going."

"Try me right now," Sheik said immediately. "Go on."

"Eh, right now?"

"Yeah."

Link hesitated. "I don't really know where to start..."

"Your bike got damaged during the race, right?" Sheik prompted, really curious to see Link in the zone, as it were. "How are you going to fix it?"

Link's face lit up, and it was like staring at the sun itself. "Oh, well, I first have to see if her body is salvageable—I'm having a professional kitter looking at that right now—but there's something off about her when I start her—sort of a rickety noise? So, I'll be taking her apart and giving her a good scrubbing just to be sure. It's probably nothing major, but it never hurts to be safe, and I've been meaning to check out the electronics anyway, and—"

Link hadn't needed to worry at all—Sheik had no problems listening to this.

* * *

They paused at the same time outside the merchandise place. Sheik wasn't sure if it was _he_ who had subtly guided them here or if Link had been doing a bit of that as well, but here they stood, staring at the huge display window featuring all sorts of merchandise from just about every franchise in existence.

Including shoujo anime. Sheik did _not _fail to notice how Link's attention immediately went to the little figurines—the sort with highly detailed moulds and highly articulating limbs that cost about as much as a private jet.

"I love this character," Link said, eyes pinned to one character in particular.

She was tall and slender, wearing a sleek-looking battle dress with all sorts of cute ruffles to offset the severity of the dark colours. She wielded a long, delicate rapier in one hand and held what looked to be a grimoire of spells in the other. Her hair was long and black, her eyes a steely blue, her face locked in a determined expression as she faced her foe.

"She's an immortal being who's lived for centuries," Link continued, "but she struggles with anxiety and depression—which makes sense, because, you know, immortality is a lonely state of being. I first saw her when I was...fourteen, I think? Made me feel a lot better about my own anxiety. I mean, if she could master hers, why couldn't I master mine?"

Sheik smiled at the warmth in Link's voice, and the sheer look of delight on his face as he described a character he clearly cared about a lot. Then he noticed the price tag on the figurine, and his heart sank.

How the fuck could a piece of plastic cost _that_ much?!

Link must have noticed too, his face falling nearly imperceptibly before correcting itself, and he gave Sheik a grin.

"Wanna go in?" he asked.

Well, Sheik thought, here is where any hope I ever had of looking cool evaporates like water in the desert.

But then...maybe with Link, not being cool wasn't as important as he'd thought.

"Yeah," he said. "I do."

* * *

Toy stores for adults. There was no other way to describe places like this. A mix of a bookstore and a merch store, it also had a surprisingly big clothing section for the cosplayers out there. Sheik loved it. With Link there, it was actually possible to go inside and not be overwhelmed by the amount of people, leaving after only being able to take a cursory glance at the items on display.

Link seemed to understand, keeping close at all times, but not so close as to be stifling or suffocating. The perfect amount, really, learned from years of dealing with the same issues.

They roamed the aisles, going _ooh_ and _aah_ at appropriate moments, as well as _oof_ when seeing some of the, frankly, ludicrous prices the place charged, especially for the imported stuff. Though sometimes it was a good thing, how expensive some of these items were, otherwise Sheik's student apartment would be overflowing with the damn things. The computers took up enough space as it was!

He still wasn't able to keep the lid on his excitement when he came across a big glass cabinet featuring one of his favourite gaming IPs ever: Titanzone. If anyone asked him to sum up the story, they'd be in for an evening-length lecture on the intricate and, honestly, insane plot cooked up in the head of its creative director. Sometimes it was really hard to keep up, despite Sheik aggressively consuming all the side material, including those rare foreign-language only releases. The plot wasn't even the biggest draw for him; it was the characters.

One in particular. The universe featured big, autonomous combat suits controlled by AI, augmented with human pilots. One AI in particular was a surly, angry, and sarcastic one, never giving any less than a hundred and ten percent in anything he did, whether it be fighting or helping his clueless pilot find a date among the other pilots.

(All the while keeping his crush on his pilot a secret).

Sheik wasn't sure why, but he felt a certain kinship with the AI, and the fact that it had enough armaments equipped to rival a small nation only helped. He supposed it was because the AI never had a problem speaking its mind, was never afraid of what others might think of him. Sheik longed to be able to live like that.

"I can see why you like him so much," Link said, nodding thoughtfully.

Wait, had Sheik said all that out loud?

"Yeah, you did," Link confirmed. "I do that sometimes too."

Oh fuck.

"I think it's cute, though," Link said. "The AI having a crush on its pilot, I mean. Do they get together?"

"Ah...well, we haven't gotten to that part of the story yet," Sheik said, thrown off by his own brain betraying him. "There's a sequel coming out next year—supposed to wrap up the main storyline, and there's been hints that a big confession is coming up, so...here's hoping?"

"Fingers crossed," Link said.

Glad to know Link wasn't about to call off the date because Sheik happened to ship a sentient AI and a human, Sheik let his eyes roam the display, dismayed to the see prices were way beyond what he could afford right now. It made sense, some of these models were metal ones, and highly accurate. Still...one day.

They wandered the shop for another fifteen minutes before deciding to head out—the cosplay section was getting really loud. Lots of squealing about how cute something was. It grated on Sheik's nerves.

However, as they neared the exit, he spotted one of the smaller glass cabinets. It was filled with smaller figurines, the adorable chibi kind with the huge heads and eyes and tiny bodies, interchangeable faces and a variety of accessories. And there, in the middle of a group of characters he didn't recognise, was Link's favourite. There was no mistaking that battle dress, the tiny rapier, the even tinier grimoire.

She was adorable.

Sheik cleared his throat. "Uh, there was something I wanted to check back there. A release date. Could you wait here for a moment?"

Link blinked in surprise. "Oh, okay. Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right, then." He paused. "Actually, there's something I need to check as well, over in the gaming section. Daruk said something about a racing game, I dunno. Told me to check it out. Meet back here in a little while?"

"Sounds good to me," Sheik replied, dashing off to find an employee.

Which was a scary fucking prospect, but he was willing to subject himself to it for the cause!

It was a shaky conversation, but the nice-looking girl didn't seem to mind that he stumbled over every other word, asking her if they had the figuring in stock. She confirmed that with a smile on her computer and went to fetch it, all the while Sheik kept a close eye out for Link, making sure the Hylian didn't spot him.

It wasn't...cheap, but not nearly as bad as the big one had cost. It put a dent in Sheik's computer budget, but he had no problem with that. Link was worth it.

By the time he had his purchase bagged up and returned to the exit, Link had yet to return. For a moment he wondered (worried) that the Hylian had left, but then he spotted the blonde head bobbing its way along a row of shelves, emerging with a bag identical to Sheik's held in his other hand.

"Found something?" Sheik asked.

"Uh, yeah," Link said. "You too?"

"Yup."

They didn't even make it five steps out of the store before they broke.

At the same time.

"Here!"  
"Here!"

There was a beat as they stared at each other in confusion, bags held out.

"Huh?"  
"Huh?"

"It's for you!"  
"It's for you!"

"Eh?"  
"Eh?"

"Just take it!" Sheik growls, shoving his bag into Link's hand, aware they were making a scene.

Again.

Link laughed and did as he was told, all the while transferring his own bag to Sheik, and looked inside. His face fell, and then lit up like it was his birthday, Christmas, and Halloween all at the same time.

"I love her!" he announced, lifting up the cardboard box containing the chibi figurine. "I didn't even know they'd made one of her!" He didn't even hesitate, drawing Sheik into a tight hug. "Thank you!"

Sheik hugged him back, the warmth radiating off Link and the smell of his shampoo (strawberry?) calming him down immensely, to the point where he barely cared that they were hugging in the middle of a very public place, surrounded by strangers on all sides. He didn't want to let go, but eventually Link drew back, giving him an eager look.

"Open yours, come on, come on!" he said, practically bouncing in place, looking like a happy puppy.

Sheik did so, and he couldn't stop an idiotic grin coming to his face when he spotted a chibi figurine of the mech AI from the same company waving up at him from inside its box.

"What's that line," he asked, "about great minds thinking alike?"

"Do you like it?" Link asked, looking like he was about to die of anticipation.

"I love it," Sheik replied. "Thank you."

"I'd love to get you the big metal one, but it was a tad out of my price range," the Hylian said, scratching his neck. "When I strike it big, though..."

"I think I like this more," Sheik said, blushing as he, shockingly spontaneously, leaned forward and kissed Link on the cheek.

That was acceptable, right? That wasn't the sort of thing that was weird on dates, surely? His worries grew as Link slowly reached up to touch the spot Sheik had kissed, but the way Link's face slowly became a shining sun again probably meant it had been a good thing to do.

Right?

Then Link returned the kiss...and Sheik was on cloud nine.

* * *

Eventually, the lack of food that day came back to bite Sheik in the ass. The light-headedness from before had turned into full-blown dizziness by the time they reached the very centre of the mall, and its gigantic food court. The noise level was unbelievable, but Sheik's growling stomach took precedence over his poor abused eardrums.

Link must have noticed something was off, and lightly took Sheik by the arm.

"You hungry?" he asked, pointing to the counters.

Ravenous, Sheik wanted to say, but that wasn't really the image he wanted to give off. He nodded.

"A little."

"Good, because I'm friggin' starving!" Link announced, leading Sheik towards the court. "Do you like pizza? There's this place over there that does those thin-crusted ones? They're awesome, and they're not part of a big chain, either, so the service is actually top notch!"

How could he say no to that? Sheik nodded again. "Sounds good," he said, and meaning it. He'd eat anything at this point, but the idea of pizza _did_ cause his stomach to give a pleased murmur.

There was a pretty long line, but it moved quickly. Whoever worked the place clearly knew what they were doing. The person manning the counter, however, was _loud_. So loud. His voice echoed across the food court, _over_ the din of crowds.

That had be some sort of superpower, surely?

"Oh, he's working tonight," Link muttered under his breath, so quiet Sheik probably wasn't meant to hear, so he didn't comment on it.

The line rounded the bend, and Sheik got a good look at the loud person.

If there was ever a person in the world created to make people swoon, it was the red-headed man behind the counter. Glittering golden eyes and a smile so wide and friendly it'd instantly turn the Dark Lord himself greeted the customers enthusiastically, strong toned arms reaching across the counter, shaking the hand of every customer, loudly welcoming them to Zora's Pizza, asking what they would like and helping the undecided ones find something they wanted.

Tall and muscular, he towered over mostly everyone, both behind and in front of the counter. There had been attempts to make his T-shirt look the same as the other employee's uniforms, but there was no hiding that chiselled physique behind mere fabric. For fuck's sake, Sheik could count his abs even from here!

It certainly wasn't just for the supposedly good pizza people came here, Sheik suspected. The line probably wasn't a tenth as long on the nights this young man didn't work here. Just about everyone around them in the line, both men and women, had dreamy looks on their faces, barely able to answer his questions as he took their orders.

Sheik subtly glanced at Link and saw to his dismay a bright smile on the Hylian's face. Was he under the red-head's spell too? It was certainly a powerful one, but...

"Welcome to Zora's Pizza! What would you like to order?"

Before he knew it, he and Link were standing in front of (and looking up at) the walking embodiment of physical perfection, and he wasn't any less impressive up close. If anything, it only further highlighted the difference between himself and the mere mortals coming to have dinner.

"Oh, Link! How are you, my friend? It is so good to see you again!"

Link and the descended god were...shaking hands? Smiling at each other? _Talking_?!

"Hi, Sidon," Link said, grinning up at the man. "Good to see you too. How're things?"

"Same as usual, so I can't complain!" Sidon, which was apparently his name, said, laughing. "Finals are coming up, but I have no doubt I'll ace them!"

"No doubt," Link repeated. "Glad to hear it. Mipha told me to make sure to ask next time I saw you."

"Ah, ever the watcher in the dark, my sister," Sidon said, shaking his head with a laugh. A lock of bright red hair had come loose from his ponytail, which flopped handsomely into his face. Was there nothing this man did that wasn't attractive in some way? He leaned down, studying Link a little closer. "Hm, you're looking handsomer than usual tonight. What a cool jacket!" He reached out to touch it.

Oh fuck no.

There was no way in hell Sheik was going to let this deceptive angel move in on _his_ territory. He cleared his throat loudly (and rudely). "Can we order, please?"

Sidon blinked in surprise, his face screwing up in a grimace. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to ignore you, sir! Please forgive me!"

He bowed in contrition.

Fucking _bowed_.

Sheik didn't stand a chance against this...this _god_.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too," Link said, looking chastened as well. "Sheik, this is Sidon. Sidon, this is Sheik."

They shook hands. This meeting was taking a long time, but the people in line didn't seem to mind. They were too busy watching Sidon's every move, eyes wet with lust. It was fascinating...but also disgusting.

"A pleasure to meet you, Sheik," Sidon said warmly. "Are you a new friend of Link's?"

"My date, actually," Link said before Sheik could reply. "We meet a few weeks ago, at the race."

"Oh, and here I am interrupting it like a fool! I am so sorry, Sheik!"

"It's okay," Sheik said before Sidon could start bowing again. He had a feeling it'd make him public enemy number one if he kept making the God of the Food Court bow in shame to him, a mere mortal. "I'm just hungry. Blood sugar, you know?"

"Oh, of course! Here, let me take your order!" Sidon said happily.

They rattled off their orders and were given the electronic beeper thing that would flash and vibrate once their order was ready. Then they got glasses to fill with drinks, after which they went to find a table. Luckily enough, there was a booth vacant nearby, and they happily threw themselves into it.

Sheik hadn't noticed it before now, but his feet were quite achy, a dull throbbing immediately starting in the soles when he took his weight off them. He took a sip of his soda and breathed out, surprised he was still this...comfortable in public.

Then he noticed Link looking at him with an expression that could only be described as...smug?

"What?" Sheik asked, narrowing his eyes at the Hylian.

"Would I be completely wrong in saying that I detected the tiniest bit of jealousy back there?" Link asked.

"Yes," Sheik said. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He knew exactly what Link was talking about. But no way in hell would he admit it. Because he couldn't turn into that clingy, jealous bitch on their first fucking date. Or ever, for that matter. He just knew that he'd stand no chance if Sidon decided he wanted Link. And he didn't want that to happen.

"If you say so," Link said, taking a sip of his soda. "Sidon's Mipha's little brother, by the way."

"I see," Sheik said neutrally. "They do look a bit alike, I think. Same hair, at least."

"It's a family trait," Link said, nodding. "He's a first year."

Fuck off, the guy's at least in his mid-twenties! There was no way in hell a nineteen-year old had that sort of physique!

"And he's studying marine biology," Link continued.

And, of course, he's studying one of the coolest fucking things possible! I don't stand a fucking chance!

"Good for him," Sheik said, wondering if there was a point to this.

"And I don't like him nearly as much as I like _you_," Link finished, pointing his straw at Sheik. "So please, don't feel threatened by him. He's just a friend, and that's it. You're the one I want to k-kiss."

That little stumble at the end ruined what was probably supposed to be a very firm statement, but Sheik felt the effects anyway, suddenly feeling a little silly. Of course, Link didn't seem the type to just throw away his current date for a walking god. And he doubted Sidon was interested in even _half_ the things Sheik and Link had in common.

Yeah, he was just a handsome man. That's it.

"Sorry," he said, looking down at his hands, fiddling with the beeper. "Guess I felt a l-little threatened, th-there."

Oh good, a stutter had made its appearance. Just what he needed.

"I just don't want you to think that I'm the sort of person who just...gets whisked away by every handsome guy I meet," Link said. "You're the first person I've...well, liked this much, and I want to get to know you better."

"Do you still w-want to...k-kiss?" Sheik asked shyly, his face burning hot.

They already had, back when they first met, but it had been very much a spur of the moment thing, brought on by adrenaline and the night's excitement. This would be the first...instigated one.

"I do," Link said, and now they were both leaning forward across the table, getting closer and closer, until their breaths intermingled, and—

_**BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ**_

They both jumped back as the beeper went off, causing the entire table to shake and explosions of light to blind them.

FUCK!

If there was ever a piece of tech Sheik had wanted to destroy utterly, it was that stupid beeper!

"I'll go get the food, you guard our booth," Link said authoritatively, bouncing out of the booth and taking the beeper with him.

And firmly ignoring the wad of bills Sheik tried to give him, for his share. Well he'd make sure to give Link the money later.

He didn't want to seem like some sort of leech, after all.

Link quickly returned with their large pizza, and dug in. They were both hungry, and the food was quickly consumed with nary a word between them. They kept meeting each other's eyes, though, and that always ended with a laugh, a chuckle, or a blush.

It was unfair, how Link could still look so fucking handsome with a long string of cheese hanging off his chin. A voice in the back of Sheik's mind told him to lean forward and lick it off, but he had a feeling that was not only breaking social etiquette, it was a weird damned thing to do on a first date.

Once the pizza was gone, they both sat back in their seats, finishing their drinks.

The table buzzed again, but this time it was Link's phone. He gave Sheik an apologetic look before unlocking it.

"Text from Zelda," he said, typing out a reply with his thumb. "Just checking in."

Sheik blinked. He'd been so focused on Link and not fucking up tremendously he'd forgotten about his own phone. He fished it out of his pocket and saw text after text from Kafei and several calls. He'd put his phone on sleep mode by accident! Shit! He opened the text app with trepidation.

**Purple idiot:  
hey  
haven't heard from u  
****assuming the date's going well?**

**Purple idiot:  
i'd appreciate some sign of life, tho  
****just so i know you haven't been kidnapped  
****and sold to organ smugglers  
****it'll be hard to explain to impa  
**

**Purple idiot:  
****sheik?  
****u there?**

**Purple idiot:  
****sheik!  
****come on, tell me you're there!  
****if i haven't heard from you in the next 5 minutes  
****i'm bringing the squad**

**Purple idiot:  
****we otw  
****paya's bringing her nunchuks  
****we bringin da hurt**

Shit, when had the last text been sent? Twenty minutes ago!

Shit, shit, shit!

If Kafei and the others suddenly barged in here, they'd definitely ruin everything! He appreciated them wanting to look out for him, but this was without a doubt the worst fucking moment to—

His phone buzzed, and another text came in. It was a picture. Of him and Link, just as they were about to kiss before, taken from somewhere to their left, near the middle of the food court.

Then another text rolled in.

**Purple idiot:  
u 2 are so fucking cute  
****it gives me cavities  
****i wanted to go over and ask biker boi's intentions  
****e and paya wouldn't let me  
****just make sure to use a condom, k?  
****see u at lunch 2moz  
****love, kaf**

I'm going to kill him, Sheik thought, deleting the photo from his text history (making sure to save it to his photo folder first).

"What's up?" Link asked. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"Nothing," Sheik said, shoving his phone into his pocket. "Just Kafei being his usual, obnoxious self."

"Ah, okay," Link said, nodding. He'd met Kafei once, but that hadn't been enough to expose the deep vein of insanity that drove Sheik's cousin's brain. He went to lock his phone and put it away, frowning. "Shit, less than five percent left. My bus ticket is in there..."

"I can charge it for you!" Sheik said. "I have a powerbank!" He reached into his jacket's inner pocket to take it out, but in his hurry to leave he'd shoved it in at an awkward angle, and it was now wedged inside. "Er..."

"Just carry my phone for a bit?" Link suggested. "It just needs a little charge, you know. Twenty percent, maybe?"

Sheik handled Link's phone carefully as he managed to at least expose the powerbank's socket, connecting it to Link's phone and beginning to charge it.

"Just remind me to actually get it back from you," Link added, smiling. "I forget I even have the thing sometimes."

The last thing Sheik wanted to do was accidentally steal Link's phone, so he made sure that it kept poking him in the chest as they left the booth and continued on their mall trek. So far, they'd only been on the first floor, and Sheik felt a little daunted by the idea of traversing the second and third floors as well, especially since his feet were hurting quite a bit now, after having known the sweet, soothing respite of the booth.

"I'm getting kinda tired," Link said. "How about you?"

Oh thank Din you said that, you beautiful angel, Sheik thought, nodding. "A bit, yeah."

"Save the other floors for another date?"

"Sounds good to me...if there'll be another one?"

He couldn't resist asking, even though he was afraid of the answer. The date hadn't been..._disastrous_, at least not as bad as Sheik had imagined things would go. The thing with Sidon was a bit of a snag, but everything else had been great. He couldn't wait to get home and unpack the little chibi figuring and give him the spot of honour underneath his main computer monitor, it'd remind him of Link's face and smile as they'd given each other the presents...

"Of course!" Link exclaimed. "I've had a great time! Have you? I mean, do you _want_ there to be another date?"

"I do want that," Sheik said, nearly breathless. Was he imagining this?

"Can't wait," Link said, grinning happily and bumping Sheik's shoulder with his own. "Guess we'll head for the exit, then. Bus back?"

"Yeah," Sheik said, heading off towards the exit, pausing in confusion when Link didn't follow. "What?"

Link pointed in the opposite direction. "It's this way."

"Are you sure?" That was the way back to the food court, wasn't it?

"Very sure," Link said, pointing upwards, where in the ceiling there was a big sign saying EXIT, with a helpful arrow.

"Oh..."

He decided to put his trust in the Hylian and followed Link as he expertly navigated the labyrinthine corridors of the mall. Whoever decided that this floor plan was in any way efficient? Sure, it _looked_ nice, but they were just asking for people to get lost like this, and another thing...

They passed by a display window, and Sheik's eye caught sight of what he could only describe as his personal idea of heaven.

A patisserie.

And there, arranged delicately on plates and in beautiful dishes...cakes, both whole and slices, cupcakes, donuts, tarts, strudels, croissants, danishes, macarons, pretzels, pies, eclairs, every flavour of ice cream under the sun. The colours, the shapes, the everything!

...and in the very middle of this display, the crown jewel. A black forest cake, made with deep, dark chocolate, filled with cherry jam and topped with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

His mouth was watering at the mere sight of it.

He lost track of time, even where he was. All he could do was stare at the very perfection of desserts in front of him, the very ideal of what every dessert should aspire to be. Forget the Goddess, the Three Sisters—this was all of them, divine perfection, speaking to lowly mortals through food.

Growing up, Sheik's diet had been strictly controlled by the clan elders. There'd been little to no room for sweets, especially this kind. Moving out here for college had opened up a new world for him in that regard, and he'd tried all sorts of delicious things...but this was, without a doubt, the peak of his mountain of cake.

"Hey, Link..." he began, wondering if he could convince the Hylian to go inside.

There was no answer. He looked up, realising Link was nowhere to be seen—there were only strangers. Shit, he must have kept walking without realising Sheik had stopped.

Eugh, well, he'd have to remember the patisserie and come back later.

Saria's.

I'll be back, I promise.

He jogged in the direction they'd been going (or was it the other way?), despairing when he came up on a fork that went off in four different directions, which made no fucking sense as a building layout.

Which one had Link taken? There was no helpful exit sign on the ceiling here. Eugh, he had to hurry if he wanted to catch up with him. He picked a random corridor and hurried down it, looking around and hoping to catch sight of Link, or his jacket. That thing was easily noticeable, after all.

No such luck. No jacket, and no Link. Just more strangers. Sheik's chest was starting to tighten by now, the atmosphere of the mall growing more and more enclosed. Well, people got separated in malls all the time, didn't they? Not like this was the first time. Sheik just had to find the exit, and then Link would be there. Yeah, the exit!

Where was the exit?

Why the fuck had there only been one sign? Every other corridor was identical, with no guiding pictographs or anything at all! The layout still didn't make sense either. Corridors should have been overlapping, but every time he turned down a new one it was like it went on forever, like some sort of freaky non-Euclidian maze from those cosmic horror stories, where it kept shifting to keep its poor victims thoroughly lost.

Sheik didn't want to die in the mall, trapped and forever lost. For one thing, his ancestors would all laugh at him when he arrived in the afterlife. He wasn't sure his dignity could take that.

All the while, his breathing kept going faster and faster, his chest tightening further, heart beating harder.

Did I fall into some fucking dimensional portal or something?!

He couldn't breathe, his throat was closing...

He stumbled into a wall, leaning his weight against it for dear life, fingers fumbling in his pockets. His phone. He could call Link. Yeah, Link could come find him. Just have to get it out...

Sheik had Link's phone. He had both phones. Why did he have both phones?

Charger.

Right.

Wait, no, wrong.

Fuck.

He stared at Link's phone, lying innocently in his hand.

Why aren't you with your owner, he wondered, glaring at it. Then I could call you and get him to find me.

Then a thought struck him. Information desk. There had to be one of those nearby, right? They could guide him to the nearest exit, so he could get some fucking air into his lungs. But where...

There weren't any signs for _that_ either.

Sheik fucking hated this mall.

He made to shove Link's phone back in his pocket, but then it began to vibrate, its screen lighting up with the caller's name.

**ZELLY**

That had to be Zelda, right? Link's sister?

He watched the phone ring and ring, wishing it'd stop. It eventually did. The phone buzzed again immediately after, notifying its owner of a missed call and accompanying voice message. Sheik sighed in relief.

Then the phone began to ring again. Zelly was back with a vengeance. And she didn't seem willing to give up this time, as the phone kept ringing and ringing, cutting off only to start again.

Sheik couldn't answer it...could he? That wasn't right in any way, neither ethically, or morally...or even legally? Was it illegal to answer someone else's phone? Did the law actually have a paragraph stating such a thing? Even if it didn't, Sheik couldn't possibly...it'd be a breach of Link's trust, and Zelda sure as hell didn't sign up to talk with her brother's awkward date (whom she probably only tolerated in the first place because she was dating Paya, his cousin). Answering the calls could potentially set off a chain reaction that would not only ruin Sheik's relationship with Link, but also sour what Paya had with Zelda, and if there was one thing Paya deserved it was a chance at happiness, and—

The phone kept ringing, and in the end Sheik tapped the answer button, if only to get it to stop.

"H-Hello?" he asked, voice shaking like a leaf.

_"Link? Is that you?"_ Zelda's voice said on the other hand. _"Are you okay? You sound weird."_

"I-I'm not L-Link," Sheik said, damning that fucking stutter to hell and back.

_"Then who..."_ Zelda paused, breathing out. Laughing? _"Oh, Sheik, right? I didn't recognise your voice. Hi! How's it going? Date going okay? Why do you have Link's phone? He dropped it again, didn't he?"_

"W-Well..."

He couldn't contain the dam anymore, and the words just burst out of him, how he'd gotten separated from Link, why had the phone, how he couldn't find Link or the way out, how he was going to die and be found as a dusty skeleton in some spider-webbed corner one day. He was pretty sure he'd started blubbering a little in the middle there, at which point Zelda took action.

_"Sheik, Sheik, it's going to be okay, don't worry, just breathe in and out, okay? Breathe with me...in...and out...in...and out...keep going...that's good...very good."_

It was humiliating, having to be coached through a panic attack in the middle of a fucking mall, but at least it helped. The walls stopped closing in, his vision stopped tunnelling, his heart stopped feeling like it was going to burst at any second.

_"There you go,"_ Zelda said calmly as his hearing returned to normal, the echoes gone. _"Feel better?"_

"Y-Yeah," he said, nearly whispering. "Th-Thank you..."

_"Happy to help," _she said. _"I've gotten Link through more than a few panic attacks, believe you me. Practically a veteran at this point. So, you've gotten separated and you're not sure where you are? Okay...Sheik, what stores do you see around you?"_

He glanced around, seeing a few chain clothing stores, a toy store he didn't recognise, and a hobby store for train enthusiasts, which he told her.

Was there nothing this mall didn't offer?

_"Mhm...mhm...okay, yeah, that's on the first floor, right? Right, I'm pretty sure I know where you are. I'll guide you to the information desk, okay? I'm sure Link will be there, since I really hope for his sake that he's noticed you're gone by now. My little brother can be a bit dense sometimes, you see, but he doesn't mean anything by it. He's sweet, though, don't you agree?"_

Sheik glanced at the plastic bag in his other hand, containing the figurine.

"Y-Yeah, he is," he said.

_"Glad to hear it,"_ she said happily. _"Now, what you'll want to do is go straight ahead—keeping the train store on your left—until you reach a crossroads. Take a right and keep going...go on, I'll stay on the line. Let me know when you hit the crossroads."_

Slowly but surely, Zelda guided him through the labyrinth until he reached a large, open space, in the middle of which was a round desk with a huge sign with a stylised letter "i" on it.

_"Find it?"_ Zelda asked.

"I did," Sheik replied. "I see Link."

The Hylian in question had his back turned, talking animatedly and gesturing wildly at the poor man behind the desk.

_"Is he flailing?"_ Zelda asked.

"He is."

_"Good, then he's not panicking, just worried. Go to him and let him know you're okay. And tell him that he's an idiot from me, and to call me as soon as he gets home, okay?"_

"Okay. And Zelda?"

_"Yeah?"_

"Thank you."

_"No problem. Have good night, Sheik."_

"You too."

The line closed, and Sheik took a deep breath before he marched up to Link, who still had his back turned. As he got closer, he heard the frantic stream of words flowing from Link's mouth.

"...don't understand! Look, he doesn't deal well with big open spaces and tons of strangers, and I'm worried that he's going to have a panic attack! And his sense of direction is terrible, and if he finds an exit there's no telling where he'll end up!"

Sheik paused, feeling a little offended.

I'm not _that_ bad, am I?

Grimacing, he waved to the man behind the desk, who looked relieved as he adjusted his glasses with a smile and pointed at Sheik.

"Sir, is this the young man you're looking for?"

Link whirled around, and his face was like a man who'd crawled through the desert finding an oasis.

"Sheik!" he exclaimed, rushing over and squeezing his upper arms carefully. "Are you okay?!" He leaned in close, surely noticing Sheik's slightly red-rimmed eyes and how his skin had paled a little. "I'm so sorry, I looked away for a second, and then you were gone, and when I went back looking for you, I didn't find you and—"

"It's okay, it's my fault," Sheik said quietly, leaning into Link's hold. He was so tired. The panic attack and this last spurt of energy towards the energy taking all he had left out of him. "Zelda says you're an idiot, by the way," he mumbled.

"Zelda?" Link said, confused. "When did you talk to her?"

"She called," Sheik explained, handing Link his phone. "Guided me here."

"Oh...I'll have to thank her for that."

"Said to call her when you got home."

Link grimaced. "She'll yell at me."

Sheik nodded. "Probably."

"You look a bit pale," Link said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Just tired," Sheik said. "Ready to go home...if that's all right?"

"Of course, of course, come on, let's go," Link said quickly, taking Sheik by the hand and ushering him towards what he assumed was the exit. He waved to the information clerk. "Sorry about the trouble!"

"That's quite all right, sir," the clerk said, smiling. "Just glad you found your boyfriend."

That had them both stunned into silence, face reddening and burning. Neither let go of each other's hands, though. They didn't say anything again until they passed through the mall's stupid pearly gate again and were crossing the square leading to the bus stop.

"Again, I am really sorry," Link said, wringing his hands worriedly. "I really should have paid more attention—"

"I shouldn't have just stopped without telling you," Sheik interrupted. "Or run off when I realised you were gone. If I'd stayed put..."

They stopped in the middle of the square, staring defiantly at each other, fighting over which of them would get to take the blame. It was a stupid argument, objectively, and they realised it at the same time. Sheik's mask cracked first, followed quickly by Link's as they howled with laughter.

What an utterly ridiculous first date this had been.

"We're disasters," Link said, wheezing. "Absolute disasters."

"We are," Sheik agreed, panting and nearly doubling over. "Absolutely ridiculous!"

People passing by gave them a wide berth, not willing to get entangled with the giggling morons.

Eventually, it passed, and they continued on their way to the bus stop, taking shelter under one of the thoughtfully provided...well, shelters. There was even a bench that wasn't a complete war zone, which they sat on.

Only then did Sheik's body truly let him know how much energy had been expended on this endeavour, and the only thing keeping him from collapsing completely was Link leaning against him, seemingly in a very similar state of exhaustion.

"Well," Link muttered, "that was an interesting first date, don't you think?"

"Mmm," Sheik hummed, wondering if it was too early to rest his head on Link's shoulder.

Fuck it, he went for it.

Link's shoulder was a little bony, and the fabric of his jacket was a little too slippery, but when Link rested his head against Sheik's, his heart did a little jump.

Success!

"Apart from the disaster at the end, I had a really good time," Link continued. "And...I'd really like to do this again. Or something else. As long as you're there. With me. On a date, I mean."

"Me too," Sheik said. "Another date, I mean."

Link sighed in relief. "That's good...and I promise I won't accidentally abandon you again."

Sheik hummed again. His capacity for words were running low. He'd sleep like a fucking log when he got home, he knew. "I'd rather have another promise," he said.

"Oh? Anything," Link said.

"Take me to Saria's next time."

It took a moment for Link to understand. "The patisserie? You got it!"

"Good." Sheik raised his head from Link's shoulder just as the Hylian turned his, and their faces were suddenly inches apart, just like before. The Hylian looked frozen, unsure if he should go for it or not. Sheik made a frustrated sound and closed the distance between them before something else could interrupt.

Their second kiss was just as good as the first one. Or even better. It was hard to tell. Link's lips were soft and warm, and Sheik pressed himself tighter against the Hylian, seeking more contact.

"Get a room, you two!" someone shouted with a laugh, and in the corner of his eye Sheik saw Link raising a rude finger gesture in their direction, eliciting more laughter.

They eventually separated with wet pop, even though there hadn't been any tongue. Their faces were flushed, and Link's eyes had glazed over a little.

"That was...nice," the Hylian said.

"Yea—"

Link's phone rang, its buzzing annoyingly loud, even out here. Link grimaced when he glanced at the screen.

"Zelda's dad," he said. "I have to take it."

"Go ahead," Sheik said, nodding. He understood it fully...even if he thought Link's foster father had the worst timing ever.

"Hey," Link spoke into his phone. "Yeah, we're just finishing up, waiting for the bus...what? I don't think he wants...the money...oh. Okay. Are you sure? Thanks, you're the best! I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Thanks—love you too."

He hung up and put his phone away, standing up and gesturing for Sheik to do the same. He did so, confused.

"The bus isn't here," he said.

"I know, but we're not taking the bus," Link said, watching the road and raising his hand eagerly as a taxi with its sign lit up approached. It stopped in front of them.

"Link, I..." Sheik lowered his voice. "My budget doesn't really allow for taxi rides."

"This one's on me," Link said, throwing open the back door and more or less shoving Sheik into the car. "Or, Zelda's dad, to be more accurate. He didn't give me a choice, really. Said it was a really crummy way of ending a date, forcing you to take the bus home."

"I'd have been happy to—"

"Please don't make me disappoint Zelda's dad any more than I already have."

The pleading look melted Sheik's defences immediately. "Okay," he said, settling into the back seat, letting Link climb in next to him. "Thank you," he added quietly.

"No prob," Link said. "What's your address?"

Soon enough they were on their way home. The taxi would drop off Sheik first at the student apartment complex, and then it would take Link back to his place. When Sheik apologised, Link just shushed him.

They settled into a tired, calm lull in the back seat, leaning against each other as they had at the bus stop. At some point, Link's hand had found Sheik's and intertwined their fingers, squeezing gently, as if asking if this was okay.

More than okay, in Sheik's opinion.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Link said, his voice reduced to a murmur by fatigue. "Or text you."

"You can call," Sheik murmured back. "I don't mind if it's you."

"You might when I start talking your ear off about shoujo anime," Link said, grinning.

"I'll just counter with database theory," Sheik replied.

The ride would still take a while, and Sheik soon found his eyes drooping. He could only hope Link would forgive him for falling asleep in the middle of the taxi ride. Before he did, however, he noticed he had a new text on his phone.

**Purple idiot:  
zel told us (paya) what happened  
****imma kill biker boi next time i see him  
****call or text me when u get home  
****oh, and did u smooch? ;)**

Sheik shook his head and shoved the phone into his pocket. He'd dignify Kafei with an answer later, if he deserved one.

"Good first date?" Link asked quietly.

Sheik smiled. "The best."

* * *

**The End**


End file.
